It’s like being lucky enough to have a gorgeous car, but the car doesn’t quite work right. You have spent years working on it trying to get it to the point that you completely trust its reliability and trust that it will drive as well as you imagine. Throughout those years of working on the car you are imagining your life with that gorgeous perfect car….you have built your life around that car. You are so involved with that car that you can not see anything else, all you can see is you and that car going everywhere together, experiencing life together, growing old together.
But as the years continue on, the gorgeous car is still not in driving order…you begin to realize that you do not have the skills, or the tools, or even the correct part to make that car run….ever. All those years working and imagining your life with that car were in vain. All those dreams and plans for your future with that beautifully perfect car will never materialize.
And you then are made aware that someone else, someone across town has the skills, the tools, the part to make YOUR car run perfectly. This other person will walk up to this car and will know exactly what to do to make it run. And out of love for that car you give it away to that more skillful, more intelligent, more qualified person than you. And you have to stand by and watch that other person live out all those hopes and dreams you had with that car. It hurts beyond belief to give up on something you have only ever wanted…
And then you are left with the question…should you find another car to work on or find a new hobby all together?
I was FREEZING last night in bed…But was too lazy (or tired) to get up and put some flannel PJ pants on…and I knew if I got out of bed I would be even more cold until I found the pants in the dark, put them on, and got back into bed…that sounded like too much cold work to me at the time. So I lay there crowding my husband trying to get him to share his warmth. Here was a thought I had while trying to fall asleep and trying to get warm.
First thought…I am rarely that cold…it must be the now 7 pounds I have lost! Second thought…When the twins were in the NICU…they HAD to be kept warm in the isolette. Their little bodies struggled to regulate their body temperature…and also trying to keep warm burned calories and with the babies being so small in the first place burning too many calories was a bad thing…all we wanted them to do it Eat and Grow. So my thought was…if I turn the heat off in my house and rely on my body to keep me warm will I lose weight from burning calories trying to keep warm?
Oh my the strange thoughts that come to you while you are lying in bed trying to sleep. HA!