It’s like being lucky enough to have a gorgeous car, but the car doesn’t quite work right. You have spent years working on it trying to get it to the point that you completely trust its reliability and trust that it will drive as well as you imagine. Throughout those years of working on the car you are imagining your life with that gorgeous perfect car….you have built your life around that car. You are so involved with that car that you can not see anything else, all you can see is you and that car going everywhere together, experiencing life together, growing old together.
But as the years continue on, the gorgeous car is still not in driving order…you begin to realize that you do not have the skills, or the tools, or even the correct part to make that car run….ever. All those years working and imagining your life with that car were in vain. All those dreams and plans for your future with that beautifully perfect car will never materialize.
And you then are made aware that someone else, someone across town has the skills, the tools, the part to make YOUR car run perfectly. This other person will walk up to this car and will know exactly what to do to make it run. And out of love for that car you give it away to that more skillful, more intelligent, more qualified person than you. And you have to stand by and watch that other person live out all those hopes and dreams you had with that car. It hurts beyond belief to give up on something you have only ever wanted…
And then you are left with the question…should you find another car to work on or find a new hobby all together?
I am feeling a change, a really nice, cleansing change. The kind of change that comes around a few times a year…if that. This is that change where the clouds go away and the grass turns green, and all that you can feel is the warmth of the sun on your skin. This is exactly what I need. I need a wonderfully simple change to clear my mind of the grimy dust and the thick clouds that the past year has left. I am really hoping this change permeates through my brain and leaves a lasting effect.
This warmer sunnier weather has opened my mind and eyes…to brighter days ahead. It is helping me regain my confidence. I can handle life…every damn day of it. I will get what I want out of life…I am not afraid of putting in the hard work. I have never been one to settle…I have always needed to try my hardest and make it what I want…why stop now. Wait and see…this Kitchen Dancer will be dancing right up to and over this hill. Here I go.